It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Randomize
