That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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