Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
