I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
