I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
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