dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
