Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You ruined the universe
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
