The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
