Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
