I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
