Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
