I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
A bitchslap is in order.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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