I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Congratulations! We have a period
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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