I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
