just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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