I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
