Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
