Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
