Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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