oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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