I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
bring money and cleavage
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
