i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
