69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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