my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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