I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
