ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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