Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
