dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
