I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
