Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
