he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
