I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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