Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Randomize
