1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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