I CAN MOONWALK!
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
As shirtless as possible
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
