Me. At least after what I've been through.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
