my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
