I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
