So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
