I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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