im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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