I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
