I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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