He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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