Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
