he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this beer tastes like vomit already
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
