So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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