I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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