i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
