i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
