i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
