Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
