You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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