I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
