i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Acid is not a monday night drug
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
