if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
