singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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